Honestly, I had a blast doing the draft. It added some spice to a typical weekday day. Anyways, nobody cares about my feelings, you all just read this because I have extra credibility now that Ralph Barbieri says hi to me in the bathroom. Onto the draft analysis:
Harper's 20 HR Hymen (Evan): Go Home Zito is back...with the first pick overall. I was going to implement a season move limit, but it would feel like I'm picking on this guy.
Best pick: Cory Luebke. Last time I checked, the beach out in RCF is still in Ventura County and this guy has decent stuff. That WHIP bro...pretty damn good.
Biggest reach: Adam Dunn. He was just soooooo bad last year. It's probably not a reach, more like a low risk, low reward pick.
Worst pick: Michael Pineda. Sophomore slump. Book it. And now he pitches in that little league park.
Nyjer Please! (John): In honor of that Bay Area dbag who dropped FOUR fuck yeah's on national television. We got it Nyjer. You are/were excited.
Best pick: Arad. He had the Kobe platelets knee surgery and should have a good year. Dee Gordon is also Elvis Andrus lite.
Biggest reach: Goldschimidtty. He could be good, but apparently his contact rate was terrible and he magically hit .260 something last year. He'll strike out 200+ times and hit .230 something. The good news is average is only one category.
Worst pick: Trevor Cahill. He's a great pitcher when his sinker sinks. Apparently, it's not sinking and therefore, he is not a great pitcher.
The Honey Badger (Robby Grag): Mini G is here to offer everyone terrible trades. Give the kid a break, he was nurtured into a Red Sox fan. What? He wasn't?
Best pick: Cliff Lee/Cole Hamels. Lee is my realistic pick to win the NL CY Young and Cole Hamels is showcasing his talent to Magic Johnson. They are both determined to have big years.
Biggest reach: Melky Cabrera. A Giants position player other than Posey and Pablo? In fantasy baseball? No way!
Worst pick: Matt Capps. He won't keep the job.
Bobby Me (Brothers): Thanks to the CEO of Circlebid for drafting for Brothers.
Best pick: Clayton Kershaw. I wanted him. Now I want the Giants to kidnap him.
Biggest reach: Brian Wilson. The beard's as jet black as ever. The velocity isn't.
Worst pick: Nick Markakis. Tom thought he fell off the face of fantasy baseball. I think he's correct.
Vogey-free Round (Me): I actually hate my draft. The only good thing I did pre-draft was changing the time per selection from 90 seconds to 60. It made for some fun intensity.
Best pick: Anibal Sanchez. No one pronounces this guy's name better than Jon Miller.
Biggest reach: Howie Kendrick. 7th round for this guy? Who does that?
Worst pick: Andrew Bailey. He's out til late July. Fuck.
Manny's Back(ne) (Doug): The upset here happened before the draft. Shocker that his team name had nothing to do with Bobby V. Instead he's trying to zing a guy that's playing in Oakland. Isn't that bad enough?
Best pick: Yovani Gallardo. I swear it is...despite his current ERA of over 14. He also had an ERA of over 6 in April last year.
Biggest reach: None, not because he had an awesome draft, but because I mention two guys below.
Worst pick: Michael Bourn/Ichiro: I understand one or the other but both? Seems redundant to have no power, bunch of speed dudes. Where is the power going to come from? (Hint: he thinks Cody Ross is going to hit 25 bombs.) Or maybe Ichiro hits 15 this year in the 3 hole. Something to keep a tab on this year.
WSChamps1908 (Tom): Lazy ahole is too busy studying the human body to think of a new team name. Where's your priorities? Damn you and your stupid Cubbies. The new curse is the "Curse of T-Mak-never-changing-his-fantasy-baseball-team-name". I guess I'm taking it a step too far, but this hurts just as bad as the Warriors not amnestying the Big Russian.
Best pick: Eric Hosmer. I guess he's going to tear it up this year. Everyone's been saying it, but I have no idea. Who watches KC Royals baseball?
Biggest reach: It's not a biggest reach analysis, but another good pick blurb. I like the Daniel Hudson pick. Maybe it's because I only watch him pitch against the Giants, so it's not a good gauge, but his stuff is nasty.
Biggest reach: I lied. There is one. The 8th round seems a little high for Stubbs.
Worst pick: Ian Desmond. Better start watching for Stephen Drew rehab updates.
Watch Yo Bumgarner (Kai): Winner of the best team name. Just imagine McLovin saying this, then he ensues to empty a clip on a burning cop car. I dunno. I think it's funny.
Best pick: Cespedesanity!
Biggest reach: Ubaldo Jimenez. He was very bad last year. He loses velocity and command if he's mechanically screwed up. And mechanics are so complex that he loses it pretty easily.
Worst pick: Ryan Howard. It's not a bad stash, except he's on Harper's DL.
To the Lost (A Kelley): Sources tell me Vogey was negotiating for his second round pick providing Longoria was still available. Results tell everyone Vogey didn't have to offer his 2nd and 4th rounders for Longoria because he magically fell to him with the 16th overall selection. But in other news, he works for the Padres, so get the inside scoop on Yonder Alonso from him.
Best pick: Ellsbury/Upton. Pretty dirty outfield combo right there.
Biggest reach: Paul Konerko. He's turning 36 in a few weeks. The decline has to come at some point, ya?
Worst pick: Ricky Weeks. Not him...but the lack of a backup 2b makes this bad.
BustHerPosey (Chandler): The defending champion is rewarded with the last pick. Can he become the David Beckham of fantasy baseball? He found his Posh Spice and now needs to keep his game.
Best pick: Lincecum. Only if he trims his hair. It's way too long right now.
Biggest reach: Aramis Ramirez. How did he hit .306 last year? I think he'll hit closer to .250 like he did in '10.
Worst pick: Nothing that really pops as bad. The Hardy/Peralta combo at SS is meh (but still better than Erik freakin Aybar).
There you have it. I gotta get back to listening to the Giants pregame show. And remember, Together We're Giant.
